Align your mind with ur Soul Shine

Death of a Son

A parent's worst nightmare is to experience the loss of a child. It happened to me - the death of a son, the only son that I'd brought into this world. His name was Stefon. He was 21 when he passed.

People would tell me how strong I was because I coped. There is no choice other than to cope. We cope differently, but we cope.

Most parents would rather lose their own life than to lose their child. It is the most painful experience of all. Yet people endure. Those that haven't been there say, "you're so strong." For those who have, it is a constant heartache. Even with spiritual knowledge, you still have to live with the pain of separation.

It helps to know that physical death returns the spirit to it's natural state and that we will all go through that portal and be reunited eventually. Truly, WE ARE spirits that come and go on the physical stage of life.

Tragically, there are people that don't believe there is anything beyond physical death. Some just aren't sure. Others question their beliefs and faith.

Just thinking it doesn't make it so, but there IS plenty of proof. I've seen many popular paranormal shows where people say, "I'm a skeptic" or "I don't believe in the paranormal"...or "mediums" - UNTIL they personally experience phenomena for themselves, then it becomes undeniable.

There are those that will say of anything supernatural, "It's the work of the devil." I love what my stepfather said to his mother when she said that to him - "If the devil can do it, why can't God?" Why do people give much more power and credit to a devil?

How do some children have detailed memories from a past life? How can mediums report information that they couldn't have possibly known without being told? Granted, there are charlatans out there. But that doesn't discredit the entire field. There are charlatans in EVERY field.

Myself, I have had many personal experiences with spirits of many kinds for over thirty years. I'm a believer. I know many people who have also experienced spiritual interaction and phenomena. The proof is there for those who want to know. "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."

After my son's death, I did question some of my beliefs. I think that's natural because you want answers and explanations. Your mind (and heart) goes on a roller-coaster ride.

I wanted to know - was this really an accident? My beliefs were that there are no accidents, that everything is in Divine Order and that nothing happens without our spirits' consent.

The Accident

In February 2008, we were having an unusually bad winter with a lot of ice. A few of our boys wanted to go out. I said no way, the roads are too dangerous. When one of them argued that so-and-so went here-and-there - bla,bla,bla, I threw a fit saying - "I don't care, you do not have enough experience driving in this weather! You could get killed!"

That night they stayed home. The very next week, when my son got home from work after 2 a.m., he and his stepbrother decided to go to a friends house who lived on the outskirts of town.

I woke up when I heard the car leave. I started to call them and tell them to get back home but something told me that it would be ok. I went back to sleep.

Him going to work was fine because the main roads were cleared off. The side roads were not as clear.

According to my stepson, Stefon was messing with the radio while going around a curve. He did not realize that he was on black ice and lost control of the car. As the car flipped, he was ejected through the sun roof and was crushed underneath the car. He was not wearing a seat belt.

His stepbrother had a leg injury but was fine other than the emotional trauma. He called us.

We were woke up by a knock at the door. Our daughter said there has been an accident and handed the phone to my husband. I jumped out of bed and put my shoes on and said, "We have to go!"

I knew in my heart that my son was gone. I just felt it. I started crying and saying "He's gone, he's gone" over and over. My husband kept saying to me, "We don't know that." I insisted that I knew because I felt it.

All the way over there I felt like my son was with me, trying to protect me from having a heart attack or going into shock. There was a weird energy around my heart and I kept hearing someone say, "It's ok, it's ok..." It seemed like he (or someone) was trying to console me.

When we arrived at the scene, I wanted to run over to the car. My husband stopped me. He wanted to talk to the authorities at the scene first. The EMT told us that we shouldn't go over there to see him because he hadn't had a pulse for over ten minutes and there was no way he could have survived, his chest was crushed. He was still pinned under the car.

As much as I wanted to run to him, I knew that his spirit was already disconnected from his body and I did not want that image engraved in my memory.

I had lost my brother in an accident as a teen and I still see the image of his body clearly in my mind. I wished afterwards that I never saw him that way.

Dreams and Premonitions

Several years prior to my son's accident, I had a dream that he was shot in the head by his father. He was in a tent and his dad fled the scene on a bicycle. I ran to him but realized that there was nothing I could do. I wanted to call his grandmother to tell her, but then I thought that there was nothing she could do either.

It shocked me awake. I had a very hard time dealing with that dream for some time. I prayed and I tried to transmute it's affect on me. After awhile, I finally got it out of my head.

A year or so after that dream, a good friend of my grandmother, who was a minister at her church, had died. A few months later I had a dream that this same minister friend was sitting on my son's bed with her head in her hands crying.

This shook me up. I talked to another minister that knew her. She eased my mind by telling me what she thought it meant. She related it to something that was going on at that time concerning that particular minister.

These dreams were prophetic. Even though I was traumatized by them, they served to help me to understand and KNOW that this accident was not "accidental." They were an answer to a question that I had not asked yet, but would.

Stefon's paternal grandmother also had a prophetic dream the week before the accident. She saw a car crashed in a ditch on the side of a country road. In the dream she said, "but he's not dead." A voice said back to her, "No, but he will be." She was shaken by the dream but didn't know who it was about.

I interpret the "father" in the first dream to be his higher self and the bicycle to represent the vehicle that he left his body in.

Stefon was going to see his girlfriend and his best friend (who was his girlfriend's brother) the night of the accident. They both said that they were going to call him to tell him not to come because of the roads, but didn't.

His friends at work said that he wasn't feeling well that day. This made me think that he was having a premonition too. My brother had told my grandmother the same thing the day of his "accidental death."

Unexpected Surprises

After the funeral, our house was filled with family and friends. My niece reported that as she walked into the foyer from another room, she saw my twenty-two month old grandson standing there by himself with his arms reaching up as if wanting to be picked up by someone that wasn't there. I knew he saw my boy Stefon. He wanted his uncle to pick him up.

One day when everyone was gone, I sat in my son's room and looked up to see a dream-catcher hanging from his light fixture. I asked him to move it if he was there with me. I was surprised that it moved back and forth immediately for a few moments. I really didn't expect it to move, but it did, he did it.

One of our other sons walked past Stefon's room and saw him sitting in there. He stepped back for a double take but he was gone.

His best friend told me that he heard someone clearly call his name while he was driving by himself. He thought it was Stefon. I assured him that it was. That happened to me after my brother died.

My oldest granddaughter was about thirteen when she saw her uncle Stefon's spirit. She woke up early one morning before school and went downstairs. She saw him in their kitchen and was startled so she ran out. She slowly came back in but he was gone.

My Baby Boy

When my son was born, he immediately opened his eyes, slowly blinked them as if to adjust to the light, then looked directly into my eyes. That was the moment I fell in love with him.

I have always felt that he was a highly advanced soul. Magical things would happen around him, like he would throw something at random as a toddler and it would fall in an exact place or way as if he meant it to. Maybe he did.

He had a pure heart and perceptive mind. He had a strong sense of right and wrong and didn't like to see anyone get hurt or be treated unfairly. He had a great sense of humor, was psychically intuitive, a cat lover and a guitarist.

Five months after his transition, he woke me one morning by looking directly and clearly into my eyes. My eyes were still closed and I was afraid that if I opened them, I would no longer be able to see him. So I kept them closed.

When he was still in the physical, I would give him these eye movements and expressions like raise one eyebrow or squint both eyes. This was one of our silent communications. He always got a kick out it - he'd chuckle or do it back to me. He was cute. I can see him now giving me the raised eye while slowly backing away, then splitting quickly.

That is what he wants me to remember, not my pain.

When he woke me with his eye-to-eye contact, I was very excited to see him so clear - it was as if he was there physically. He started giving me the eye routine while backing up and closing in. He did this several times until I said, "Stop it! what are you doing?" He then showed me an infant girl with wings descending from above. I then opened my eyes. I asked him what this meant, but I'd already broken our connection by opening my eyes.

I wondered if he was telling me that my granddaughter was coming soon (which she was) or that he was coming back as her or that he would be reincarnating as another female child.

One of our granddaughters was born a week later. We have had two more since then. I really don't know what he was trying to show me. I guess if he wanted me to know, he would have been more clear.

His Son

Stefon left behind a son. The year he passed, his son turned three. My grandson and his mother came over for his birthday celebration at our house. I was showing her some pictures of Stefon and talking about him. I later wondered if he was present for his son's birthday.

The next day I got a call from my ex-sister-in-law. She said she had a dream about Stefon. Before she went to bed, she decided to watch tv to unwind from her day. She heard some noises in her chair, then her tv went off by itself. She figured some spirit was playing with her so she went to bed. She said, "I don't know who's here but I'm going to bed so don't bother me!"

She then dreamed about Stefon and he played a song for her - Photograph by Nickelback. She repeated some of the lyrics that stood out to her. I was so excited because I knew what he was trying to tell me. He wanted to confirm that he knew about the photos I showed to his ex because he was there at his son's party.

I had a dream sometime much later that Stefon was playing ball with his son. That very day, his son's mother called me and asked if we would want to meet them at the park to play!


Stefon has been very active in letting us know that he is around. These are just a handful of his interactions in our realm of awareness. It gives our broken hearts some relief, but he is still sorely missed. We have a big birthday party for him every year.

He had several silly hats. We gave them out to his siblings. In the beginning, they would bring them to his parties to wear. One year, after the party, I wondered if he had been there with us. As I went to bed and closed my eyes, an image started to form. At first it was one of his brothers wearing one of his hats, then it turned into him wearing a different hat. It became very clear and he was smiling and looking handsome. He said, "Tell him thanks for bringing the hats."

Even with all the reassurances my son has given me, the mother in me can never be consoled enough. I can talk about him with joy and laughter and know we will be together again, but my heart will never rest easy nor be free from the pain of missing him.

The most beautiful gift he has given to me since his death came once again in the dreamtime, not long ago. He brought a girlfriend to meet me. They were so happy. She is a singer. They were dancing together and laughing and I could feel their happiness. As they started to walk away, they were holding hands. He was doing a leg wobble shimmy as he looked back at me and grinned. That was when I noticed that he was wearing slim straight leg jeans. I laughed as I realized that he was deliberately showing me that he wasn't wearing those baggy jeans that I always complained about!

I woke up exhilarated! I hadn't felt that good in so long. I was overjoyed that he was extremely happy. I was high on that feeling and knowledge for months! He couldn't have given me a better gift.

When I told people about it, they looked at me funny, like I was crazy, like spirits don't hook-up or fall in love. Well I never thought of it either, BUT - it must happen. It happened for my son! And it was as real as anything.

Letters from my Son

 Death and Bereavement



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