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Self Control

It's hard to feel spiritual when you're living a human life filled with trials and emotional upheavals. We are called to exhibit self control instead of giving in to the beast.

You try to be loving, forgiving and above mundane pettiness. Yet, you are a human, complete with feelings and opinions. You're surrounded by injustices, ingratitude, jealousy, belittlement, disrespect, falseness, cruelty, spite, selfishness and downright stupidity.

Face it, you would love to burn some bridges, stomp down hypocrisies,  and tell off those that get under your skin. But wait...

The Earth walk is hard. It is not meant to be easy. There's no point to EASY. You might think that you'd be happier, but would you be so involved in life if it was easy? Wouldn't you become bored?

People need stimulation and motivation. We need challenges, something to strive for, something to work for.

We need to feel useful, productive and important. That's where self-esteem comes from. In all these things, we're in need of self control.

The Importance of Self Control

As Judge Judy says, "Pretty fades but dumb is forever." It's not enough to look good, you must feel good about yourself. That's what stops us from 'going off' on others even though we'd like to sometimes. We think we might feel better relieving our own pressure valve by putting someone in their place...but...we stop to consider the consequences.

Would we hurt them unnecessarily, or irreparably damage the relationship or esteem of others?

There can be many reasons to stop ourselves from outbursts. Yes, we should exercise self control. We don't want the situation to escalate into something more than it is or should be.

If it's something that needs to be said, then try to express it tactfully and with sincerity. It's unwise to simply "pop off". Think it through.

As humans, we tend to remember and internalize hurtful comments and actions that we feel are against us. These build up over time causing doubt, resentment, negative thoughts and emotions.* Guess what? The same thing happens with others too!

Do we want to add to someone else's problems? Examine your motivations - do you just want to get back at someone, or do you think something needs to be discussed or countered?

Remember this - "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it." This is one of the truest things ever said! You can get a point across without being mean. Just state simply what the problem or disappointment is and why you are bothered by it.

Take the emotional charge out of it as much as possible. Let your words be heard, not your emotions. It's human nature to become defensive when an attack is perceived. Give others a chance to reconcile.

"Never make an irreversible negative decision in the dark times."  Robt. Schuller

If you need to explode - beat up a pillow or go somewhere private to scream or cry, or chop wood - let it all hang out. THEN get your bearings and plan your response.

If someone is consistently causing you grief while refusing to change, get that person out of your life. It may not be easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable!

Honor yourself. Honor your own feelings and needs. If you don't, others won't either.

Make it clear what you will or won't tolerate. The more you let others walk on you, the more they will. YOU are in charge of you. When you exercise self control, you are in the drivers seat.

Don't forget the value of forgiveness. Who doesn't want to be forgiven for something? We all do or say things that we regret. We say things out of anger, frustration, or misinformation. We have misunderstandings.

Sometimes we say things that we do not mean. We slight people without even realizing it. Often we don't even know that we have hurt someone else's feelings.

We overlook, we undervalue, we forget, we misjudge, we misrepresent, we are fallible. We want to be given the benefit of the doubt. We can't expect others to be perfect in our sight, we certainly aren't perfect. We're ALL human!

The saying, "Walk a mile in my shoes.." comes to mind. We each have our own unique path in life. Many experiences and influences go into the making of a person.

Our daily judgements are our own and not necessarily THE TRUTH. To be compassionate, we have to lighten up. We can't be a rigid pole in a human world.

We can be spiritual (not flawless) in a human reality if we wisely utilize self control. We have to rise above mundane attitudes and take the high road. Live with integrity. Overlook and overcome pettiness.

Focus on what's important. Be an example. Become a blessing.

*For help in resolving deep seated negativity, try subconscious clearing.

    Self : Friend or Foe


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